February 11, 2022

 Hello dissertation diary, 

Today was the end of another week and I've been trying to get through some actual dissertation diary. I write little bits of content here and there pretty consistently, but it's only been in the last couple days that it's all started to take shape into the ten pages my supervisor wants me to complete for Monday. I'm about halfway there and while it won't be great, it'll be something by the end of the weekend and I'm glad that I have a deadline so I can motivate myself to do more detailed writing. 

I can make myself write something on most days but those little somethings don't necessarily add up to any broader whole. The ideas are random and they don't stick together quite yet. I have a hard time sticking to any self-imposed deadlines so I really need the external pressure to get myself motivated to connect all the pieces I keep floating around. 

I also seem to be embroiled in a conflict with one of my students. She's one of those students who wants 100% on every assignment and that's just not going to happen. I don't think that any kind of singular perfection exists in the liberal arts and there's no such thing as perfect writing or perfect participation in discussion. I held firm in my marks (which are almost all As and A+s) but I'm sure she's off to take this all over my head to the prof. I'm not particularly uptight about marking but I don't appreciate being harangued into inflating marks. 

I don't like being in a position where I end up "against students" as Sara Ahmed would say. I don't want to only see my students as obstacles to my research who don't respect me. 

I wish that they liked learning more than grades but that was always a romantic delusion.